I’m honestly so fucking done with this shit. I can think straight. Why do I regret so many things? Why can’t I write anything good? People say that what’s bad for your heart is good for your art, but well, i cant do shit and its so frustrating. Yeah, that’s a word that can describe exactly what i’ve been felling lately, every. damn. time. i hate it so much. I feel like i haven’t lived life, like i’m not who I want to be, I know im fucking 15 and i know nothing but I cant help but felling this way, I CANT HELP. everyday is the same thing and all the chances that i had to change just slipped through my fingers like sand, im so fucking dumb. This has been the worst year of my life, nothing happend at all, as plain as water, all i did was say say say and do literally nothing. People know for what i’m not, i just say and do things without thinking and that really drives me up the wall. I wish i could just skip adolescence, i feel so stupid, i dont wanna talk to people, i dont wanna get out of my room. I know things would be so much better with someone by my side but they’re never there, people never like me and i feel so alone even though i’m surrounded by friends (im sorry its not your fault guys) i try to cry but that’s not working, i think it might wash it all down but it’s not happening. I know i shouldnt be complaining, my life’s not bad, people have it so much worse, but i feel just so shitty, everything is so overwhelming. life feels so boring and i dont have the tools to make it better, it’s not like i feel sad most of the times, it’s like i feel nothing most of the times. i just dream to high and cant get anything but leftovers, i’m living by my own shadow and i dont know how to escape it. i hate seeing myself in the mirrors, i wish i could break them all, it’s so lame aaargh. i dont like the things i do, i hate them.

i’m sorry for the long post, you dont need to read it, i just needed to say this things somewhere, i know i’ll regret it, for sure and it’s not okay, but i’ll say it is if you ask me, dont worry, im not killing myself