The signs as “history of japan” quotes

aries: in the year -1,000,000,000 japan might not’ve been here
taurus: it’s time for [who’s gonna be the next shogun] [vote now on your phones]
gemini: [and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china], he said, and failed. and also died *boom*
cancer: [h i r e a s a m u r a i]
leo: [it’s time for w o r l d w a r 1]
virgo: how about s u n r i s e l a n d ?
libra: knock knock. it’s Europe, they just want to sell some shit, like clocks, and guns, and [j e s u s]
scorpio: [g o o d f r i e n d s], [t h e i r f r i e n d s a n d o u r f r i e n d s a r e n o t f r i e n d s] , [plustheyreplanningon i n v a d i n g thewhole o c e a n]
sagg: h o w b o u t i d o , a n y w a y
capricorn: knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats (with guns) (gunboats)
aquarius: [n o w t h e r e ‘ s m o r e a r t]
fishies: [b y e]