Tag: personal

and stop being a bitch about everything i’m so damn tired of having to think about every single thing i say to you.
i’m so damn tired of always panicking because you sent me a message 20 minutes ago and i didnt answer you.
im so tired of everything having to be about yourself and how i always try to help but you keep pointing out things i did 1 year before.
i’m so tired of trying to make you happy and apologizing all the time and trying to make things up and saying i’m the one that’s wrong just to make everything fine.
i’m so tired of all your hint dropping just to get me pissed.
and i’m so tired of you always looking annoyed and throwing shade at everyone.
i know you’re troubled but that’s not an excuse for being like that.
i still like you but in this last few months i’m getting so tired of being by your side

We could be holding hands
But the gods didnt made you up like that, did they?
And all this pain
Is useless pain
But i cant help myself, it’s too strong
I want to forget about it
But i dont
I belive we could be together
But we couldnt, i know
The gods didnt made you up like that
And even if they did, who am I?
The worst part is that you’re not worth this pain
Well, I dont know if you’re worth this pain
I dont want to know if youre worth it
All i want
All i truly want
Is something from you
No matter what, just give me something
And i’ll have my answer
So i might sleep again

I’m honestly so fucking done with this shit. I can think straight. Why do I regret so many things? Why can’t I write anything good? People say that what’s bad for your heart is good for your art, but well, i cant do shit and its so frustrating. Yeah, that’s a word that can describe exactly what i’ve been felling lately, every. damn. time. i hate it so much. I feel like i haven’t lived life, like i’m not who I want to be, I know im fucking 15 and i know nothing but I cant help but felling this way, I CANT HELP. everyday is the same thing and all the chances that i had to change just slipped through my fingers like sand, im so fucking dumb. This has been the worst year of my life, nothing happend at all, as plain as water, all i did was say say say and do literally nothing. People know for what i’m not, i just say and do things without thinking and that really drives me up the wall. I wish i could just skip adolescence, i feel so stupid, i dont wanna talk to people, i dont wanna get out of my room. I know things would be so much better with someone by my side but they’re never there, people never like me and i feel so alone even though i’m surrounded by friends (im sorry its not your fault guys) i try to cry but that’s not working, i think it might wash it all down but it’s not happening. I know i shouldnt be complaining, my life’s not bad, people have it so much worse, but i feel just so shitty, everything is so overwhelming. life feels so boring and i dont have the tools to make it better, it’s not like i feel sad most of the times, it’s like i feel nothing most of the times. i just dream to high and cant get anything but leftovers, i’m living by my own shadow and i dont know how to escape it. i hate seeing myself in the mirrors, i wish i could break them all, it’s so lame aaargh. i dont like the things i do, i hate them.

i’m sorry for the long post, you dont need to read it, i just needed to say this things somewhere, i know i’ll regret it, for sure and it’s not okay, but i’ll say it is if you ask me, dont worry, im not killing myself